New Day Your Way

Say No and Mean It

No. Such a tiny word. It's often one of the first words we learn and probably the one used most frequently throughout life. Why then, even if you are determined to lose weight, do you still find yourself saying yes when someone offers you a Krispy Kreme Donut? In other areas of your life you are bright and articulate. So how come, when we find ourselves reaching for the cookie jar, or somebody asks us to do something we really would rather not, do we have a problem saying no?

Young children certainly don't have any trouble. Observe any parent with a pre-schooler in the park. "It's time to go home now." "No!" A tiny fist yanked out of grasp and possibly tears thrown in for good measure. Forthright self-assertion.

Maybe women have a deep-rooted image of the person we feel we should be, and wanting to please others is often part of that identity. But doing something and then feeling guilty, angry or resentful just because we couldn't refuse in the first place is destructive. It's no good blaming anyone else if our answer should really have been no.

Most of the time we do have choice in what we eat and the commitments we take on. We can order a double burger with fries, or we can order lean chicken and salad. We can choose to spend time peeling vegetables, or we can buy the pre-prepared variety.

Go for It!

It's all about having the confidence to make choices, and being assertive enough to stick with them. Being assertive-either by silently reminding yourself that you don't need that packet of chips, or when speaking calmly as you explain why you don't want to do what someone is asking-isn't the same as aggression. When you become assertive you feel confident and empowered (see Give Yourself a Jolt of Confidence).

Initiating a conversation, negotiating a salary, making a complaint, and asking for help around the home all require us to be assertive. The more assertive we are, the more successful we are likely to be at getting what we want, be it a slim body, a reduction in our working hours, or even (maybe) getting the dishwasher unloaded by someone else from time to time! When you're rifling though the fridge, it's easy to feel that you're the most weak-willed person around, unable to say no to your cravings. But one tip is to enlist support. Having the confidence to seek help from your friends, family or a buddy is invaluable, especially if you explain why it is that you're asking for it.

The feeling that you're taking control of situations really does help. It's relatively easy to be confident when things are going well; it's harder to be like that when life gets tricky, in the face of criticism at work, or during a week when the scales haven't budged. When the going gets tough try asking yourself: "Do I need to eat/do this? Or do I want to eat/do this?" before tucking into a mid-morning donut, or agreeing to keep an eye on your sister's kids. It's your decision. If in doubt, just say no. It's never too soon and never too late.